These girls have given me new meaning to the phrase "pull your head out"...


A few things have changed in the last month and a half. My attitude is a little better, that has proven to be a slow process throughout my life! My "annoying friend" has new drama for herself and went away to stay at her Dad's, I gave up graveyard shift and went to 3-11's, the doctor says my kidneys are fine, I don't have a blood clot, my EKG looked good, chest x-rays look ok, this week I find out how the echocardiogram looked!
It all started with a swollen leg scare and advice from my friend to make sure I didn't have a blood clot which led me to urgent care, a sonogram on my veins and the subsequent Dr. visits to find out just why my leg looked like a water balloon.
I switched Dr.'s in this process and what a wonderful decision that was! She actually LISTENED to what was going on with me! I've not been to a lot of doctors over the years, but never has one SAT DOWN when they came in the room to talk to me and listen to what I had to say. Very nice.
She "vowed" we would find out what is causing this and try to fix it if she could. Tomorrow I go back and find out some more, maybe have her check my thyroid if she hasn't done that yet. We'll see. The greatest part is that she doesn't look at me like I am a nut-case hypochondriac like my last Dr. did! Water retention pills seem to keep the worst of the swelling down, so I think that will be the ticket I end up with when it is all said and done.

Summer is almost over!! I started this draft and 3 weeks flew by before I got back here to finish it. A few things have bouyed to the surface since then that I need to deal with.
Sara is moving off to college. Tomorrow we load the U-Haul and trek her across the state 5 hours to her new home and Shauna is starting High School in a couple of weeks.
Granted, Sara is not fresh out of HS and leaving, she is in her 3rd year of college and going off to finish up, but she's been here with me for the last 2 of those years. When she was 5 she vowed that she would never ever leave me. If you have daughters, you might know that most five year old girls are the sweetest beings on the planet, they love teddy bears and rainbows, giggle at the suggestion of having a boyfriend, refuse to wear anything but dresses, and are generally good natured. PMS hasn't set in yet, the terrible two's are over, and they are learning at the speed of light and loving it. I think that is when I ordered her to stop growing up, I wanted her to stay right there, forever. A lifetime of bicycles and jump ropes, ponytails, ribbons and tights with black patent leather shoes. What a life. We spent hours reading stories to each other, watching cartoons, she was even thrilled to help Mom clean the house! There was also the rushed mornings with me in a screaming panic getting ready for work, me being too tired to have her on my lap some days, leaving her with a sitter so I could go hang with my friends.

So...it's with hope and pride, sadness and regret, apprehension and relief that I make this journey with her. I'm glad she's not going by herself, she will be with another young woman her age, and I know she will be fine. She knows how to take care of herself, she knows how to be responsible, she knows how to make friends and be a friend. It's time for her to go. She needs to figure out what she wants to do, where she wants to be, who she wants to become. She has a great start, she's equipped with a good sense of right and wrong, a pretty good work ethic, and a great sense of humor. I will worry about her for awhile, but I will let go, I guess that is a "Mom" thing. No matter what, I will be proud of her for taking the risk, getting out there and doing what she needs to do.
Shauna's heading into the great halls of HS has me taking much of the same trip in my head. The little girl that was...will now be going to football games and dances, wanting to go on dates in cars with guys that want to touch parts if her that only her family has seen, and not since she wore a diaper! The things she does the next four years will have a big influence on her choices after HS. I didn't realize how true that was until recently, it does matter! Lord! I hope I can guide her and help her learn how to make good choices, or at least learn from the not so good ones!
She is a different person than her sister, and the ways I've dealt with them have been different, I hope I can do this with her!



I AM glad I got her a cell phone (ugh, I caved in). The thing is, she is close with Sara in a lot of ways, and I think they will stay in touch much better knowing they can talk and text for "free". I'm sure she will listen to her sister's warnings and advice before she would listen to mine. After all, I'm "OLD" and feeling it more every day. Not necessarily in a negative way, I'm just not a kid any more. I'm glad, otherwise I'm sure I couldn't keep up with all this.